How to win on social media

There’s this thing I call the Like Envy.

It’s a sickness. It’s the feeling you get when you believe that the algorithm of social media is conspiring with satan to deprive you of success in life.

You’re dead sure this is

whats’ happening to you. No matter how witty you sound, how painstakingly you plan and photoshop your photograph, you never get more than a dozen Likes.

Yet, when you look around, you see that the entire universe has come together to shower Likes and subscriptions on Sharafa’s lame post.

What is wrong with these people? Can’t they see that your work is of a higher quality?

My brother, nothing is wrong with these people; you’ve only contracted an inoperable case of the Like Envy.

Because, for many of us, social media Likes and comments have become life’s most important performance indicator, we are susceptible.

We turn green. Like The Hulk, we unleash the monster inside of us—on ourselves.

But wait. Are you absolutely sure you want to be internet famous?

Look at Freeze. He’s @daddyfreeze on Instagram. He’s a radio DJ but now super famous, or notorious, on the Web for saying tithing is unchristian and pastors who “charge” tithes are thieves.

This is why hundreds of people who disagree with Freeze go to his page to ask god to murder him. They do this every day. I wonder how he copes.

On the flip side, sometimes you are so loved that your privacy vanishes. Total strangers now claim to own you.

In 2014, I wrote a story* about my misadventures as a game club entrepreneur. Two days later, Chris called me.

Chris: Bro, your post has gone viral o.

Me: Oh my god, what?!

Then he sent me a link to a forum where some people were discussing my article. The original sharer thought I was a good writer. But some of the others were pissed that my clickbait headline and lede were an insult to Steve Jobs.

I wanted to tell them: Shut up! Didn’t Jobs himself use Gandhi to peddle laptops? But instead, I walked away.

It takes chutzpah to manage internet notoriety. If you have it, congratulations.

But you’re likely not as famous as these guys you envy on the Net because you’re not willing to do what they do to blow up there.

Deep inside you, you know you just want to be lowkey. Because, that way, nothing crazy can come out of left field and throw your life out of whack.

While you think on that, here’s Laura Ikeji (IG: @lauraikeji)… dancing.

*Don’t bother reading it, it’s too long.

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