Do you sometimes get this feeling? The feeling that something good will soon turn bad?
You’re in a good place with your girlfriend and you go, Just give it some time, this relationship will soon crash.
You have a good job and you go, Just give it some time, they probably will soon start playing politics and fire me.
You have a fantastic gig going on, Just give it some time.
You are happy with your life, Just give it some time.
Feelings like these are why we don’t enjoy the moment. You arrive at work and you’re wondering, Wait, I can’t even remember driving to this place.
We don’t taste the joy of food or feel the pleasure of sex. We are constantly worried what might go wrong.
As you’re driving that SUV you worked so hard to get, you’re not really having fun because you’re already worrying where the next SUV will come from.
Some will say this feeling is just anxiety or depression or the impostor syndrome. Others will say it’s the hedonic treadmill (or hedonic adaptation), which is the idea that no matter how much we get from life, we’re always asking for more– nothing fully fulfils the persistent hunger we have for more until we die.
However, the good in our lives can turn sour because we make them go that way.
There’s a theory about why we always go back to the place of pain. Maybe not all of us, but so many of us do this. We go back to difficulty, pressure, painful situations.
We do this because that’s what we know. The operating system controlling our lives is coded in this type of discomfort.
Maybe it’s being in debt or overworked and constantly tired or just believing we’re inadequate, it’s all we know. It has become normal.
If we have a marriage that’s working, we may find a way in our subconscious to make it go bad because in the badness is where we feel alive.
Even if we complain about how bad the relationship is, without thinking about it, we are the one actively and consistently turning a good thing bad.
Many of us are like this because of our background. The way we are raised determines how we live as adults and how we treat other people.
Jay Z went to therapy and he loved it. He said that where he learnt that “everything is connected. Every emotions is connected and comes from somewhere and just being aware of it in everyday life puts you at such an advantage. You realise that someone is racist to you it’s not even about you, it’s how their upbringing. You know, most who are bullied, bully.”
Sometimes we repress the things we are most afraid of in ourselves and seek them out in others. Its the theory of the Lost Self.
But I’m learning that the best way to choose what I do with my life is to first know myself.
When someone asked him to advise anyone who’s about to get married, Jay Shetty, the former monk and internet maven, said, “Let them first know themselves.”
Because until you know what you want, you cannot connect with others and enjoy life completely.
How can I know my usefulness when I don’t even know myself?
Justin Bieber, on the other hand, seems to have found his purpose. Maybe that’s why his music is suddenly grown-up?